Wikipedia defines REGRET as (paraphrasing) " an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, or guilt after committing an action that he or she wishes they had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret. Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed, but also, importantly, regret of inaction. Many people find themselves wishing that they had done something in a past situation."

A dear friend was speaking to me today of regret and it's a subject I've been meaning to write about for quite some time. There are two statements that I often make that most people cannot wrap their minds around. One is that I am never bored (it's true, no matter what, I am not) and that I have no regrets, ever. I could write such a long discourse about regret that it might turn into a short novella with examples of things I could regret, yet have chosen not to. However, for brevity's sake I'll try to keep this explanation short.

Quite simply, I don't regret anything in my past and I don't do things in my present that I'll regret in my future. My past is quite sordid in some spots (ok, more than just quite and more than just some), but each of those spots is a lesson learned, an opportunity to grow. How could I then regret that happening? Are there things I should have done differently? Certainly. Are there lessons that I wish hadn't come so difficult? For sure. I used to think back and try to rethink how I should have behaved or decisions I should have made (or not made). All that really did for me was add to my regrets and pile on my guilt. This practice left me incapable of seeing the lesson that was lying there waiting to be absorbed. In short, I was paralyzed by my past and incapable of heading towards my future.

Several things contributed to my shedding of the regret cloak. First, I read a book called The Four Agreements and that changed how I look at guilt, regret, etc. I don't allow myself to feel any emotion that is pushed upon my self. Only I can make my self feel or think anything about my actions or my self. Aside from the revelations within the pages of this book I also started taking stock of my life. I realized that all of the experiences in my life had contributed to the me that I had become. And you know what? I like me! So, how can I regret anything that has brought me here?

It is absolutely true that I live by different rules than most others. I am guided by different principles. My rules and principles are not meant for you, they are meant only for me. They are a code unto only me and they work best for me. Dawn said to me once that I "know the girl code". The instance she was speaking of I guess did fit into the "girl code", but it wasn't about that for me. It was simply about me not doing something that I would later regret, it was my own code. Even I'm not perfect, though. I do things I shouldn't do. I sometimes make choices that aren't the wisest. I sometimes mess up. What I don't do is wallow in regret or guilt about those things. I look at them, either objectively or subjectively, depending on the matter. And I find the lesson to be learned. Isn't that what this life is all about? Learning lessons and improving upon them. That's how we move forward and make our future brighter. I would encourage all of you to take stock of any regrets in your life, find the lesson you were supposed to learn and then eliminate that regret. You won't believe the doors that will be open to you once you have done so.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.”  ~ Fulton Oursler 

Don't allow your life to be stolen from you by your own self.