I'm coming out of the closet in this writing today. You see, I've been lying to myself, and to you, all of these years. My life has been a wondrous meandering through the halls of pain and glory. I've made many changes and come to many conclusions. The last few years have been a joyful few; a journey into my mind, heart and soul. I've come out on the other side a grown up, yet a child. My life is so full and colorful and I've learned so many things.

One constant mantra of mine has been this tough sort of philosophy that I've carried. Sure, love really is my religion; I've proclaimed it enough, live it wholly. But I've also been waving that banner of 'progressive woman'. I've learned my likes and dislikes, I've had a long relationship and quite a few dating experiences in between break-ups. One thing I concluded was that I didn't believe in the fairy tale, there was no One for me. I doubted that any one man could ever satisfy me, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, physically. After so much searching on my part I was convinced, and proclaimed to many, that this was the case. I had accepted it and was relieved by that acceptance. I had made specific friends that would support this philosophy of mine; acquaintances that would cater to all facets of me so I would not be left wanting. I felt no real complete loyalty to any one man. I was free to do as I please.

The problem is that I was still left wanting and I was not free. I was not fulfilled, I was not really happy. A few weeks ago I realized this and spent time with myself, thoughtfully. I said aloud "this is not working for me". And then it came to me, I do believe in fairy tales. Any word that I speak or thought that I have that does not support that belief is counter to every cell in the core of my soul. All of my declarations that I am just different and that I don't believe, they are crap, lies.

So, I'm coming out of the closet. I do believe, and I believe that there is a One for me. I believe that fairy tale for me is written in the universe. It's a scary thing coming to that conclusion. It's a scary realization that every spark of intimacy that I allowed with anyone other than the One was taking me further away from Him. I believe that there is One that was created just for me. You don't have to believe that for yourself, you don't even have to believe me. But I am here to tell you, this realization is so uplifting to me, so freeing.

I was soaring after realizing this for myself. I determined that I would wait. I would sit and wait. Let the universe speak to me, let the skies send me the message written in the clouds, let the ground send me messages written in the dirt. But messages I would receive! I started sharing almost immediately and was quite shocked at the response. I think I've been called everything as close to an idiot as you can get over the last few weeks. I've had people basically tell me I'm delusional, these same people that proclaimed me as smart such a short time ago. Perhaps they only thought I was smart because my thoughts agreed with their own beliefs, I do not know. Perhaps I'm being too uncharitable, but I was not expecting that in my saying that I was claiming my dream for my own how several people in my life would tell me that it was not achievable. People telling me that love like that doesn't exist. It's ok, though, I was there once not too long ago, I understand. It does exist, though, it exists and it thrives in so many places, you just have to be willing to be open to it and see, to have sight for the first time.

To those that believe in me and that see, and that know right along with me, I thank you. This may not be the most eloquently written missive I've ever published, for sure, it isn't, but I'm ok with that. For those of you that do not believe in my dream, that think I have my brain in the sky, I say that's fine. I'll be content floating here, dreamily, loving and conquering my life for my own, and I'll support you in your life anyway. Because that's what I do…..and nothing can stop me now.