My wonderful friend, Dawn, sent me this passage from Luke (12:48, to be exact) when I was going through an exceptionally trying time a few months ago.

"But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."

At times, my life can seem a bit overwhelming to me. I think it even seems overwhelming to some of those lurking in my peripheral. Single mom, career, friends, family obligations, writing, yadda yadda. You know what though? 14 years ago I was living at home, barely 18 years old, giving birth to a child that I had no idea how to raise. I was working at Burger King and making $5.45/hr. I had no friends other than those I worked with, I wasn't close to my family and my future was really pretty bleak. In short, I was a hot mess. What I did have was a strong work ethic; that's probably the first thing that really helped me just keep going. Workers, they just do. I tried many different things along the way. Marriage to a man that promised to take care of me, yeah, didn't work out so well, I ended up supporting him. Moving back home? Yeah, didn't work out so well, I ended up just working at Burger King again.

One day when Alivia was about 2 1/2 one of my dearest friends was killed in a motorcycle accident. This friend, God rest his soul, had been haranguing me for many long months to live up to my potential, to dream greater than my current living situation. Losing him, I lost my greatest fan at the time. I nearly lost my mind for a couple of months. I had the attitude that every time I was given a ray of sunshine it was snatched from me. You know what though? I continued to wake up every day, I continued to have this beautiful, bright child next to me every step of the way. Finally, when I'd had enough of Craig's words bouncing around in my head, I applied for a new job at the bank. Which then led to so many more avenues opening up for me!

College followed a few years later, a degree, a couple of advancements at the bank, a job change, a move to the big city. All along the way, so many gifts have been given to me. So many wonderful times where I wanted to lay down and admit defeat, so many times that I was influenced to just keep doing, growing, moving. Now, I'm finding that my circle of influence is growing ever more large. My daughter is a teenager, growing into a woman, she's the greatest example of my influence I could ever attest to. But I also have friends and family, people that I am so close to that loving them almost hurts sometimes. I wake up every day knowing that each time my eyes open it's a new adventure, a new story to tell. New obligations, new responsibilities, yes. But also new experiences, new treasures, new gifts. To whom much is given, much is expected. Indeed. I'm game, how about you?
 

Wikipedia defines REGRET as (paraphrasing) " an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, or guilt after committing an action that he or she wishes they had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret. Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed, but also, importantly, regret of inaction. Many people find themselves wishing that they had done something in a past situation."

A dear friend was speaking to me today of regret and it's a subject I've been meaning to write about for quite some time. There are two statements that I often make that most people cannot wrap their minds around. One is that I am never bored (it's true, no matter what, I am not) and that I have no regrets, ever. I could write such a long discourse about regret that it might turn into a short novella with examples of things I could regret, yet have chosen not to. However, for brevity's sake I'll try to keep this explanation short.

Quite simply, I don't regret anything in my past and I don't do things in my present that I'll regret in my future. My past is quite sordid in some spots (ok, more than just quite and more than just some), but each of those spots is a lesson learned, an opportunity to grow. How could I then regret that happening? Are there things I should have done differently? Certainly. Are there lessons that I wish hadn't come so difficult? For sure. I used to think back and try to rethink how I should have behaved or decisions I should have made (or not made). All that really did for me was add to my regrets and pile on my guilt. This practice left me incapable of seeing the lesson that was lying there waiting to be absorbed. In short, I was paralyzed by my past and incapable of heading towards my future.

Several things contributed to my shedding of the regret cloak. First, I read a book called The Four Agreements and that changed how I look at guilt, regret, etc. I don't allow myself to feel any emotion that is pushed upon my self. Only I can make my self feel or think anything about my actions or my self. Aside from the revelations within the pages of this book I also started taking stock of my life. I realized that all of the experiences in my life had contributed to the me that I had become. And you know what? I like me! So, how can I regret anything that has brought me here?

It is absolutely true that I live by different rules than most others. I am guided by different principles. My rules and principles are not meant for you, they are meant only for me. They are a code unto only me and they work best for me. Dawn said to me once that I "know the girl code". The instance she was speaking of I guess did fit into the "girl code", but it wasn't about that for me. It was simply about me not doing something that I would later regret, it was my own code. Even I'm not perfect, though. I do things I shouldn't do. I sometimes make choices that aren't the wisest. I sometimes mess up. What I don't do is wallow in regret or guilt about those things. I look at them, either objectively or subjectively, depending on the matter. And I find the lesson to be learned. Isn't that what this life is all about? Learning lessons and improving upon them. That's how we move forward and make our future brighter. I would encourage all of you to take stock of any regrets in your life, find the lesson you were supposed to learn and then eliminate that regret. You won't believe the doors that will be open to you once you have done so.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.”  ~ Fulton Oursler 

Don't allow your life to be stolen from you by your own self. 

One of my very best friends, Mike, and his wife, Andrea, welcomed their third child into the world early Sunday morning. Zachary Maxson Reynolds. Mike didn't talk about it a whole lot at first, just announed that Andrea was pregnant and the child was due in March. As the time grew near, though, he started getting more and more excited.

There's just something so special about a new life and being responsible for the every need for that little child. We must instill in them all that is good within us, while not making excuses for our mistakes so they might learn from us and through us. We must teach our children to better the world, to learn from history, to create the future. It's an awesome responsibility on the shoulders of us parents, and an even greater responsibility on the shoulders of our children.

Welcome to our wonderful world, little Zach. You have more opportunity available to you than we did when we were born 30 or so odd years ago. The sky is the absolute limit for you. You can accomplish as much, or as little, as you and your parents could possibly ever dream. Your dad is one of the smartest, most inquisitive people I have ever known. He has a thirst for knowledge and things and is always wanting to get better and be the best at everything he does. Although I don't know your mom well, mainly through your dad, I know that she has a fierce devotion to her family. You are coming into this world with the best kind of influences and an enormous amount of love and care directed at you. Soak it up, little one, grow big and strong in mind and body, heart and soul,  for you are our future.

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." ~ Shel Silverstein